Hate Your Family?

Hate Your Family?

You might as well love them, for their blood flows through your veins. Don’t hold a grudge until you become an old geezer like me before you realize how true this is. And, if you have any smarts at all, you will.


4 thoughts on “Hate Your Family?

  1. timberwraith

    This assumes that shared DNA guarantees similar world views, personality, beliefs, etc. This also assumes that one’s values and culture remain static throughout one’s life and can not differ significantly from one’s parents and family. Furthermore, there is the implication that families contain uniform values, culture, beliefs, etc.

    I come from a family that largely embraces racism, xenophobia, antisemitism, classism and a host of other prejudices. I have tried my best not to embrace such hateful perspectives and so, I have focused on ferreting out such perspectives within my own being, challenging them, and then ridding myself of them.

    Most of my family members have not made this journey. They continue to walk down a path of unyielding prejudice.

    We reached a place of insurmountable difference in values, beliefs, and culture long ago. Over time, I found that I gradually reached a place of ambivalence: sometimes I loathed them, sometimes I felt indifferent, and sometimes I liked them. Over time, as our incompatibilities accumulated, my feelings grew increasingly negative.

    I no longer speak to them because our interactions reached a place of persistent conflict and pain.

    And so, I let go of my relationships with them because I care about my well being and think that I deserve better in my life than sharing my time with such hateful people—not because I hate myself.

    1. hedonix Post author

      I assume as you suggest, and assume your family taught hatred and prejudice to you, as did my own family to me. I learned that about myself. Later influences directed me to overcome early indoctrination and showed me how acceptance does not require love but enables one to realize some things are beyond our powers to change them. Hate remains hate no matter to whom it gets directed. Hating puts the burden onto the hater and draws attention away from what is loved. Let knowing that fill and influence your thoughts in the future.

      1. timberwraith

        What I feel for my family is no longer hatred. It is simply a state of not caring… and with that, there is not much burden to speak of. It took letting go of them entirely to stop hating them. It is far more difficult to hate someone in total absence. However, regular contact is almost guaranteed to breed contempt when conflict is the primary mode of interaction.

        Even so, it still stands that hating one’s family does not imply a hatred of oneself. For those people who share little in common with their birth families, what is hated is often a way of being that is entirely different from one’s own. So, your reasoning in the original post simply doesn’t follow.

  2. hedonix Post author

    But, look at what you said: “For those people who share little in common with their birth families, what is hated is often a way of being that is entirely different from one’s own.” …a way of being is not a person or people, it’s about behavior. In my eighth decade of life, I still recall a preacher’s sermon from my youth, about how Jesus loved the sinners but hated their sins. I personally have too often observed how people do things and take sides that work against their own benefit. Getting away from maleficent conditions conditions that led to apathy instead of hatred demonstrates that you do not hate yourself, and, therefore… Had you hated yourself and them, I would have expected you would have taken actions that might have been violent. You likely considered such but didn’t follow through. That’s good. Apathy is healthier than what you had.


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